Life, or rather Death on Mt Taikyoku
by coca-cola addict
Summary: What happens to the seishi after death? They confront their issues with the help of 2 insane counselors. Uhh...maybe...How does Uruki deal with his gender switching? Nakago with his dreams of world conquest? Read to find out...


Disclaimer: Fushigi Yugi belongs to Yuu Watase. If I owned it, Nuriko wouldn't die and Tasuki wouldn't hit on Miaka in the OVAs. Why Tasuki, why?

_**Yo. This is coca-cola addict and sesshykharl. Even though this is under coca-cola addict's account we are working on this story together. In one of our slaphappy moods we wondered what life…er…death was like for all the seishi since the Suzaku ones went to Mt. Taikyoku. This resulted. DAMN YOU UNSAFE AMOUNTS OF SUGAR! Anyways, read on…**_

_**Warning: There are two OCs in this story, Haukea the insane one and Leilani the counselor from hell…**_

**_If you haven't read Genbu Kaiden you might not recognize some of the characters._**

It was a peaceful day on Mt. Taikyoku. The undead birds were chirping, the Nyan-Nyan were frolicking, and as usual Taittsukun was crabby. Some things just never change. What was keeping the old hag's panties in a bunch on this fine day? Are you sure you want to know? Very well then. The author of the _Universe of the Four Gods_ was currently fuming not because someone had called her ugly, which was often the case, but because her employees were asking for a raise.

"DO YOU THINK I'M MADE OF MONEY!" she screeched.

"Well it's just that things are getting a lot harder than when we started," explained her first employee, Haukea. She looked like a young woman with gold brown hair pulled in a ponytail from which long, bleached white bangs escaped and framed her blue eyes, "Isn't that right Leilani? LEILANI!"

"Huh?" responded another young woman, Leilani, who had been staring out a window at nothing in particular though she had been giving a death glare to one particular undead bird when it flapped by, but that's another story entirely. She was the opposite of Haukea in appearance with shoulder-length dark brown hair with several random green streaks dyed in it. She was also a bit shorter, in fact the only thing the two girls had in common were their blue eyes. "Were you saying something?"

"I was saying that the job has gotten a lot harder since we started and that's why we deserve a raise!"

"Oh, yes," Leilani said absently, "I suppose Uruki is having some trouble confronting his issues but since all the Byakko warriors run in fear of you and Hatsui is pretty much your personal servant I can't see why you're complaining," here she was interrupted by her own yawn, "Or why you dragged me out of bed to come with you."

"THE DEAD DON'T NEED SLEEP!" yelled Haukea, "And besides, Uruki tried to chop me up with that wicked scary wind of his yesterday!"

"You're all ready dead," pointed out Taittsukun and Leilani flatly.

"IT WOULD STILL HURT!" Haukea insisted.

The door opened a crack interrupting the meeting and a pudgy young boy stuck his head around the door frame, "Umm…e-excuse me…H-Haukea-sama…"

"Yes?" asked Haukea rather sharply making the boy jump before he continued in a broken voice, "T-Toroki a-and A-Amefuri are t-trying to e-escape…"

"What! You mean I have to catch them again?" demanded Haukea.

"Don't pretend you didn't like it," said Leilani dryly.

"Shut up!" she spat at her co-worker before turning to Taittsukun, "So about that money-"

"OUT OF MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW!" screamed Taittsukun, "If you two haven't noticed I am currently juggling two priestesses at once! Just keep the dead celestial warriors under control! That's all I ask! NOW OUT!" And with that Taittsukun physically grabbed hold of Haukea and Leilani and tossed them out of the office as the pudgy little boy scampered out of the way.

"Man that old biddy's strong…" remarked Leilani.

"I HEARD THAT!" yelled Taittsukun beaming Leilani in the head with a pen.

Haukea merely giggled before saying in all seriousness, "Now to fetch the troublemakers who broke out of my cave of doom!" The blonde glanced at her two companions. Leilani's was rubbing her head and managing to glare at her at the same time while Hatsui (the pudgy little boy) stared at her in absolute horror.

"I mean," she said giggling self-consciously, "They ran off before I could give them an extra serving of extra-sweet chocolate. Oh shucks! Well more for me!"

With that she skipped off not with the intention of eating chocolate but with the intention of capturing the two run-away Byakko seishi. She turned and ordered in a rather scary voice, "Hatsui, come!"

The pudgy boy scurried after her prepared to do her bidding while Leilani merely sighed. "Guess it's time to return to my counseling sessions…"

Uruki snarled and glared and wished that the Earth would swallow him up whole or that the heavens would throw down a bolt of lightning that would strike the impassive smile off his counselor's face.

"So Uruki, let's start from where we left off the other day. In order to use your Genbu seishi powers you have to turn into a woman right?" asked Leilani in a carefully measured voice that was just as annoying as the smile plastered on her face.

"Yes," mumbled Uruki, not wanting to know where this was going.

"How does that make you feel?"

"ARGH! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ASK ME THAT!"

"It's in the psychologist guidebook. But you don't read much do you?"

"Does your stupid guidebook say it's okay to insult your patients?"

"Now, now Uruki, basing all of your behaviors on something you read in a book would show an inability to think for yourself. I'm very disappointed in you."

Uruki felt a sudden urge to begin ripping the hair out of his head. He'd been going through "counseling" on this hellhole mountain for over a hundred years now and every damn time she would ask him about his gender flipping and how it made him feel!

"Uruki, you've been coming her for over a hundred years and you always dodge my question. Why is that?" asked Leilani breaking into his train of thought.

"Men don't talk about their 'feelings'!"

Leilani's face brightened momentarily and he knew he had said something wrong, "Oh! So you don't want to talk about your feelings because men aren't supposed to?"

"Yes, exactly."

"But you're not really a man."

Uruki growled, _kill…must kill…mutilate beyond recognition…strangle…slash…burn…broil in a light vinaigrette for half an hour on a stove setting of 100 degrees Fahrenheit…_

"Uruki, are you all right? Your face is turning a lovely, feminine shade of purple."

She was tormenting him on purpose! Counseling? Yeah right, more like utter damnation! No wonder everyone was insane of Mt. Taikyoku! And if this crazy counselor was bad enough, that crazy blonde one insisted on carrying out what she called 'discipline' but was more like very illegal forms of cruel and unusual punishment…

"Uruki, I believe you have a girlfriend. Takiko, the Priestess of Genbu right?" asked Leilani, startling him out of the chain of thought.

His murderous rage subsided a bit at the mention of Takiko though he would never admit it, "Yes."

"But you refused to commit for a ridiculous amount of time,"

"I had to kill my father, it was prophesied at my freaking birth!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, at birth? How does that make you feel?"

"STOP IT WITH THAT DAMN QUESTION!"

"Yeah, you're right. We were talking about your gender flipping and it's effect on your girlfriend."

"We were?"

"Yep. How does she react when you turn into a woman?"

"Well, I usually only turn into a woman during battles but there were a few instances when…But that's not important," he smirked at the disappointed look on his counselor's face, "She's never really seemed to care."

"Well," said Leilani thoughtfully tapping her pen she was taking notes with against her bottom lip, "Are you sure about her sexual preferences?"

"SHUT UP YOU DAMN HAG!"

"SEE? THERE YOU ARE GETTING DEFENSIVE AGAIN!"

Takiko herself had just been walking nearby when that explosion of noise came from the counseling room where she new Uruki was being tortured…er…counseled by Leilani.

She decided she didn't want to know, _Just keep walking…just keep walking…Oh screw it! Turn around and listen at the door…_

Takiko knelt by the door and listened in on the session.

Meanwhile with "The H Team", namely Haukea and Hatsui, the search was on.

"Hatsui, do you see them?" asked Haukea as she smeared more camouflage paint over her cheeks which were all ready coated with the stuff just like most of her face and arms. She had stuck some twigs and leaves in her hair for good measure.

"Y-Yes," responded Hatsui who was also covered in camouflage paint and was currently examining the field in front of them from where he and Haukea had hidden themselves in a bush, "They're over th-that way…" he finished pointing to where the two run-away Byakko seishi, Toroki and Amefuri, were huddled against the mountainside.

"All right," said Haukea in a dramatic whisper, "I'm going in." But before she went 'in' she reached into a pocket and pulled out what looked like a necklace of alligator teeth and put them around Hatsui's neck, "For courage, my friend. In case I don't return, remember me and collect that fifty bucks Leilani owes me."

"M-Miss L-Leilani said that w-when you ch-cheat at poker, winning doesn't count," stuttered Hatsui.

"Who are you going to believe? Her or me?" asked Haukea as a dark and threatening aura materialized around her.

"You! You, H-Haukea-sama…" insisted Hatsui in fear.

"I knew I could trust you," she said clamping a hand on the young boy's shoulder and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye before diving out of the bush and racing across the clearing towards the two escaping Byakko seishi when suddenly a light burst above her head and out of the sky dropped a man in woman's clothing right on top of the poor blonde's head.

"H-Haukea-sama!" gasped Hatsui as he desperately tried to untangle himself from the bushes and race to Haukea's aid.

"Wow, am I on Mt. Taikyoku?" asked the purple-haired crossdresser as he gazed at the towering yet very colorful mountain.

"Ow! Get off me fat ass!" demanded a peeved Haukea as she glared at Toroki and Amefuri who were once again on the run. And thus Haukea sealed her fate.

"What did you call me?" asked the purple-haired crossdresser and without waiting for an answer began to beat the krap out of the poor blonde he had landed on.

"Okay! Okay! You win!" moaned Haukea after a few minutes, "Come on, I have to take you to the counselor…"

"Counselor?" asked the crossdresser, "But isn't this Mt. Taikyoku? Where's Taittsukun?"

"Yes, counselor. Yes, you are on Mt. Taikyoku. And she's busy," responded the blonde as she got to her feet and dusted herself off, surprisingly unbruised even after Nuriko's beatings. Being undead has it's advantages.

"Anyway," she stated much more cheerfully, "I'm Haukea. Which seishi are you?"

"Oh, me?" asked the crossdresser, "I'm Nuriko of the Suzaku Seven."

"What?" asked Haukea suddenly serious again, "You're not supposed to be dead yet. Has your priestess summoned Suzaku?"

"Umm…no…" responded Nuriko uncomfortably.

"Oh shit! No wonder Taittsukun was in no mood to talk about my pay raise!"

Both Hatsui, who had finally caught up with them, and Nuriko sweatdropped.

"Umm, H-Haukea-sama…D-Does this mean you're g-going to l-lose your b-bet with M-Miss Leilani?" asked Hatsui tentatively.

"What do you mean? She will never win!" proverbial flames erupted around Mt. Taikyoku's seishi disciplinarian.

"B-But if they c-can't s-summon S-Suzaku then the o-other p-priestess can still summon Seiryu, r-right?"

Haukea whirled around and grabbed Nuriko by the shirt and gave the crossdresser the biggest, wettest puppy dog eyes he had ever seen, "Seiryu hasn't been summoned yet, right?" she asked innocently.

"No," said Nuriko prying the blonde's hands off his clothing praying that she wouldn't wrinkle the fabric.

"Yes! I can still win!" cheered Haukea.

"B-But H-Haukea-sama…" started Hatsui.

"There are other ways you can summon the Beast God, Hatsui. Besides Suzaku is bound to show up before Seiryu," Haukea informed him, waving away his protest before he could begin.

"What makes you say that? Do you think Miaka is a better priestess than that friend of hers?" asked Nuriko.

"No, no. Nothing like that. The Suzaku priestess is too fluffy and sparkly with that Tamahome of hers and the Seiryu one is too hyped up on revenge. No, Suzaku will be summoned first because he's way hotter than Seiryu!" Haukea ended this speech with a girlish giggle that once again made both Nuriko and Hatsui sweatdrop.

"Isn't Suzaku a bird?" asked Nuriko replaying in her head all the times she had heard the legend about the Four Gods.

"He's not just a bird! He's a goddamn god!" insisted Haukea.

Nuriko was about to protest when Hatsui grabbed his arm, "I-it's no good…She's v-very st-stubborn…" he explained.

"Who are you anyways, kid?" asked Nuriko.

"He's Hatsui of the Genbu Seven and my personal assistant!" Haukea answered her grabbing both seishi by their arms, "Now let's go see the counselor! Suzaku knows I need to see her myself. He told me so once…"

"So you've seen him?" asked Nuriko.

"How else would I know he's hot?"

Haukea led Nuriko and Hatsui across the mountain then through some corridors inside it. Eventually they entered a hallway with two doorways on either side and a staircase leading upwards at the far end.

"That leads up to the seishi dormitories. Seven rooms on each level, one for each seishi to inhabit until their rebirth. We only have one priestess so far so I use most of those rooms for…erm…experiments…" she trailed off, "Now this room is where Leilani does her counseling."

Haukea led Nuriko to a room at the end of the hall where a young woman was sitting with her ear pressed against the door, "Umm…Takiko, what are you doing?"

"Shh…it's just getting to the good part," she said before she realized who she was talking to. She jumped to her feet, "Oh, hello Haukea, Hatsui. Who's that?"

"This is the crossdressing Suzaku seishi, Nuriko," introduced Haukea, "Nuriko, this is the Priestess of Genbu, Takiko Okuda."

"Hello," greeted Nuriko.

Takiko was going to return the greeting but was cut off by Haukea yelling, "LEILANI! I'VE GOT A NEW PATIENT FOR YOU!"

Haukea threw open the door only to be hit by Uruki as he ran out of it and down the hallway screaming, "I AM NOT A GIRL!"

"Is she sure about that?" Nuriko asked Haukea.

"I'm sorry to say that that is indeed a guy, though he does change his gender on a regular basis," Haukea answered with a sad shake of her head.

"It's not his fault!" exclaimed Takiko, "At least he's not a psychopathic blonde with a penchant for torturing the Byakko seishi! Not to mention her obsession with Pocky! And at least he doesn't lose at poker all of the time or expect to be called by a god who is currently sealed away! By the way, I doubt Suzaku is interested!"

"What was that?" asked Haukea as the proverbial flames once again engulfed her.

"Uhhh…" said Takiko shocked at what she had just said, "URUKI!" The poor priestess screamed as she ran down the hall.

"Don't you run away to that he/she…" snarled Haukea but was stopped by Leilani whapping her across the head with her notebook which she pretended to take notes in during counseling sessions. She actually had a hidden camera set up in one of the corners of the room so she didn't need it at all.

"Now, now. We'll deal with your anger issues next. But first, who's the new seishi?" she asked as she turned towards Nuriko. In her head however she was doing a mental victory dance, _Yeah! Another crossdresser! This'll be fun, fun, fun!_

Thus ends the first chapter! My friend sesshykharl and I are co-writing this one together and we would both be really happy if you reviewed…Isn't that little purple button just calling to you?

**_For all those people who are not familiar with Uruki, Takiko, and Hatsui they're in Genbu Kaiden, Yuu Watase's prequel to Fushigi Yugi._**

_**WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!-sesshykharl**_

_**You had too much sugar again didn't you?-coca-cola addict**_

_**Yes indeed, yes indeed!-sesshykharl**_


End file.
